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When to discuss money in a relationship?

Starting a new relationship is always a feel-good experience, giving fresh lovers hope of the good life and attainable dreams.

But these feelings can quickly disappear if important things are not discussed right from the onset. Money!

That is one of the top ranking issues that lead to resentment and ultimately break-ups if its is not discussed. He is stingy, she is a spender, he is broke or she is a gold digger!! These are terms often used when things sours.

But talking about money very early on in the courtship can help couples avoid this common pitfall, because waiting until you have a money-related issue means it's too late, emotions are already high and rash decisions will likely be made.

But how do you talk to your partner about money? For most people this is scary.

Whether you’re married, engaged, or just starting to get serious with somebody, it’s a good idea to come clean about your financial situation, talking openly about your financial expectations helps set the stage for a healthy relationship. We have a few tips for couples.


Ways to have better money talks:


1. How to start talking

Bringing up money isn’t easy, especially in a new relationship (or in an established one, if you’ve never talked finances before).


Here are a few ways to start:

Be casual

Mention that you’d like to talk about money before diving into hard-hitting questions. Feel out your partner’s response. Do use an argument over money as the opportunity to start talking about it.

Start slowly

Start with easier topics like your long-term financial goals and work towards more sensitive ones like debts, assets, and credit histories.

Be understanding

Talking about money can make us feel vulnerable, so you can build trust with your partner by being extremely understanding and supportive when talking about your finances. This is important because the absolute worst thing for your relationship is if he or she isn’t truthful about money. And remember, it may be disheartening to learn your loved one has a ton of debt or awful credit (or to reveal that about yourself), but it’s also not conducive to a healthy, trusting relationship to live with that information a secret.


2. Agree to disagree

Men and women value money differently. But the more you talk about your values and differences with your partner, the less likely you’ll resent your loved one for a financial decision you may not understand.


3. Don’t make it a big deal

Don’t wait until you’re upset about a big purchase your partner made to bring up finances. The best way to talk about money is a little bit every day. Money is a part of life; it’s not a big deal until it becomes a big deal. (And it becomes a big deal when you don’t talk about it and/or hide stuff).


4. Talk about earning money, not just spending it

We often focus too much on how we spend, save, and invest money and too little on how we earn our money. how we earn our money, our jobs, our businesses, our investments, shapes our overall relationship with money in a significant way.

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Editor's note

American novelist Louisa May Alcott said it best when she said “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”

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